John Martin

John Martin
Great Day of his Wrath

Thursday, 29 October 2009


Covered in pumpkin bits/juice and there's fake gore all over my house from making a halloween costume. But I'd much rather have you all over my house instead really... haha.

Tuesday, 20 October 2009

La de daaah.

1. Know for definite now, just need to do something about it and stop procrastinating so fucking much. I wonder if it'll work out fine though? Hopefully so! Would be so good if it did.

2. Gin does silly things to me, even in small amounts. I start behaving very badly... bad Josh!

3. Got a free AAA pass for the final night of the Devildriver uk tour! so stoked for sunday now. Party hard & getting to watch several awesome bands from backstage? Hell yes! Thank you Tom/Fran!

4. Going to get my hair cut off next tuesday, given myself a week to get into the right mindset for it. Cannot wait for ridiculous surfer haircut haha. It'll be very funny.

5. Even though most of my friends have escaped off to university, the people that are left and the "new" people I'm starting to spend more time with are very awesome. Change is a catalyst for a new direction in life.

6. Speaking of a new direction, "cleaning up my act" a hell of a lot is really good and i'm feeling all the better for it.

7. Need to speak to Chris about sorting out the paperwork for being allowed to spar in Akido, also need to track down where that kickboxing place is run in amersham. Getting back into martial sports will do my mind and body a whole load of good. Speaking of sport, should probably go for my run in a minute, wake my body up and shit.

I could probably keep typing here for ages but it would just turn into a train of thought, let's save some "wordy" energy for writing a couple more pieces sometime methinks.

I bid you g'day!
Au revoir for now internet.

Sunday, 18 October 2009

That special something

It’s crazy how music has that power to change how we feel and bring us back to how we felt when we were listening to certain songs or artists at various points in our lives. It’s almost beyond words in way.

What is it in a sound frequency that causes the cogs of memory and emotion to start moving? I wish I knew but for now I’m more than happy to just enjoy it and let my soul dance to the rhythms and melody travelling through me.

The good life

Don’t measure life purely by obsessing over empty and materialistic objects or something as abstract and meaningless as money.

Care first and fore mostly about the wealth of passion, feeling and love we can cultivate within our hearts.

The wisdom and knowledge that we gain from living and experiencing an authentic and true existence should be also appreciated and utilised as much as possible.

Use these concepts as guidelines to enriching your time and the world around you.

Equally you should reciprocate this back into the world as much as you can.

Expressing these things by communication through creativity and positive action is something beautiful.

Life is short, don’t waste it.

Embrace it.

“The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge”

Bertrand Russell

Some progress & other stuff

Hello internet, an actual blog for once!

1. A hell of a lot less angry and wound up now about certain things, it's still not exactly fantastic to put it mildly. But handling it all a lot better at least, which is certainly an improvement over going apeshit at the world 24/7.


2. Never, ever though I'd be doing this. Screw it, might as well! (But what am I really talking about here? Ha-ha!) Don't want to give away a lot even on here, but it's slightly surreal in some ways. Feels.... good though... yes, good! If this pans out for the best I'll be a very happy man. If not, then roll with the punches and something good will also come out of it. Well the situation will just keep as it is which is pretty enjoyable currently anyhow, definetly want to see where this can lead.


3. Couple of new bits and pieces of various things in the works writing and music wise that I’m sitting on 'til I’m happy with them. In other music news Sean quit the drum stool this week just past. Scott's going to try replacing him which should work out fine, can't think of many reasons why it wouldn't work. Change... hmmmmmm exciting!

4. The things you find out about people is crazy sometimes, life is definetly interesting. More or less sure about that something and other matters now, just a matter of breaking bad habits and taking the plunge.

*Right, now as not to ruin my current consistency regarding my entries on here. Time to get cracking on with some more stuff seeing as nothing's going on tonight and plans went askew today.*

Thursday, 15 October 2009


If it were a person doing this I’d beat them to a fucking pulp and leave them to suffer.

But no it’s a horrible disease eating them alive from the inside out.

Cancer is fucking disgusting and I don’t understand why it’s taking another good persons' life.

Removing them from mine and other people’s lives.

But it doesn’t need to make sense; it’s just a fucking disease that happens.

Hating this so much.

And you! You disgusting bastard trying to pull a horrific guilt trip like that, I’m shocked at what you’ve said to me.

Nothing like the wheel of life going around is there?

Ups and downs.

Wednesday, 14 October 2009


Get rid of the fucking worms in this apple!

From the inside they’ll eat all the goodness away,

Leaving nothing but an empty skin behind.

Gorging themselves until nauseous.

So when you bite into it,

Hoping for a refreshing mouthful of fruit,

All you’ll get is disappointment.

Or worse yet, a bite of the wriggling bastards.

What a bitter flavour that is,

A taste of thoughtless greed.

Later, new flies emerge to continue this legacy.

Dynastic contagion spreading its shit.

Swat it!

Before it can ruin another one for the love of fuck.

Detachment plus... a suprise?

Little bit of humour there, ha.ha.ha.

Oh I wish this one was about nekkhamma or wu nian.

Connecting with everything right now is so fucking hard but for some bizarre reason it's really affecting me simultaneously.

What the hell is happening?

Stiff upper lip though obviously, good sweet fuck.

How very British...


I'm not sure what it is for definite & I'm still trying to work it out, but it's definitely getting under my skin.

Its someone though.

Here's a turn up for the books... could it really be that?

Oh wow.

Circles & Traps

Walking along a path like this will get me nowhere,

Because I keep on returning to the beginning.

This realisation is a sign of falling back into the same rut.

Crawling on my knees out of that pit nearly broke me before.

Time to break out.

Tuesday, 13 October 2009

Just no.

Fuck you, when were you ever really around to be what you were supposed to be anyway.

Dropping out for a while. Bye.


Back in the loop now, hedonism serves as a distraction well enough but really need to sort this out at some point. Procrastination is starting to become a bit of an art form.

(a change of style from previous posts. hah.)


Losing all sense of direction in pathless woods.

Hearing waves rhythmically break on a wild shore.

The overpowering sight and scale of a mountain.

That complete sense of feeling away from it all.

Because there’s a magic in these places.

That guides me slowly get back to where I want to be again.

Getting back into natural rhythms and feeling alive.

A calm solitude and powerful vastness to awe at.

Feeling alone in a beautiful world.

Take me there.

Confusion, Longing & Satisfaction?

It isn’t always the case of what you are missing but sometimes what you aren’t missing that makes you think about everything.

Is it someone, something, a time or place?

That's a good question really, let's find out in due course.

I'd quite like to know the real answer myself, not sure right now.

Thinking about everything is a mixed bag of tricks though, who knows what’ll happen next.

So far though, it’s hard to say what’s happening even now in this maelstrom.

Talking vaguely and with great ambiguity is a great way of expressing things without letting on too much.

I mean, wouldn’t want it to be too obvious what I’m writing about would I.

But sometimes I just want to scream raw brutal honesty at the world.

What difference would it make though?

It's going to be one of those nights, can already feel it in the air.

I’ll just keep on speaking in tongues.

Friday, 9 October 2009

Ascendancy & Subsequent Descents.

(Improbable Ego-Driven Venture of Delicate Balance by Kevin Fletcher.)

Observing the way certain people act around others,

You realise it’s a bit like watching a giant matchstick statue being erected.

A post-god Tower of Babel reaching to an desolate heaven,

Built to reach a long abandoned throne.

Even if it did still reign above,

I doubt they’d be deserving of the eternal life now unavailable.

It’s just a display of pride to boast about.

Gargantuan yet fragile and weak.

The slightest imbalance will bring the whole thing crashing down.

So let not the hand of a dead god obliterate it,

Their own reckless ambition for greatness will.

As such, they will destroy themselves.

Could you repeat that?

I’m sorry,

I can’t hear you over the sound of your own ego inflating.

Yes, you!

By all means carry on.

Keep pumping it full of your airs and graces.

But if it’s covered in leaks and has no substance.

It’ll deflate you know.

Hot air.

Because that’s all it is.

So would you kindly just shut up?

I can’t hear myself thinking when you’re near me anymore.

Or could you just leave?

Thursday, 8 October 2009


Surrendering to something sublime

Immersed neck deep on the shoreline.

Eyeing fervently the oncoming tide.

With it comes the waves.

Waves that will batter and strip away all illusions.

In the aftermath of them breaking everything recedes ,

Taking with it my previous self.

I turn from the sea and return inland.

Salvation and rebirth

Until I return to this place again.


I keep on seeing infinity & It’s not over yet.

Can we ever not be aware of the abyss once we see finally?

To have veiled eyes once more,


It could be bliss.

But until then, I’ll keep on staring into it.


It keeps staring back at me…

I can’t turn away.

Indifference never felt so strong.

Wednesday, 7 October 2009


If you went seeking profound spiritual insight one day,

All that you were presented with was a single flower and silence.

Would you feel you had gained anything?


"In its very origin suchness is of itself endowed with sublime attributes. It manifests the highest wisdom which shines throughout the world, it has true knowledge and a mind resting simply in its own being. It is eternal, blissful, its own self-being and the purest simplicity; it is invigorating, immutable, free..."

Awakening of Faith in the Mahayana, 5th Century Text.

Tuesday, 6 October 2009

Looking into mirrors

So what we perceive before our eyes is us then?

A second version of ourselves that follows our lead.

Or is it just a visual imitation of our life?

An exact copy of us lacking any energy or soul of its own.

Thinking about it like this…

A mirror is just viewing the world so you play centre stage in all things.

So when the Narcissists look in the mirror to admire themselves,

The irony is that they are not admiring their self labelled “perfection.”

They merely worship a reversed, empty and false image.

That’s fucking irony for you.

The night i created my own meteors.

12th August 2009, we took a trip to coombe hill to see if we could see some Perseids from an epic viewpoint. They certainly were there in one way or another, can't say much else on here. Needless to say my imagination was working in overdrive because this happened.

The connection between Earth and Air,
Where elements blend and diffuse through the stone sentinel on the peak.
Feeling raw life surging all around.

Below all this a sea of lights and colour shimmer and reflect in the swirling clouds, twisting and squirming like a mass of snakes suspended from the roof of earth itself.

Wind blows and makes the trees pulsate like a living heartbeat.
All is movement yet stationary. Paths through the forest blur together into a web of choices.

Travelling along concrete guidelines,
soaring in mind but grounded to the earth by this mortal vessel.
So much of a spectrum we cannot normally see.

The most alive and existent i have felt in a long while.
Each gasp of air is more like feeling the collective essence of my friends company and every living thing within sight and out of sight than a simple bodily function.

Fruitless pursuits.
Lack of integrity.
Breeding nothing productive and only wasted opportunities.

Circular roads leading back to the start are everywhere.

Why do we slave and toil for paper printed with ink?

Find the beauty in every moment to create your meaning and purpose in this world.

Monday, 5 October 2009


Revisiting the past can be a sketchy idea but occasionally digging back down again can be a fruitful exercise. So this is a little something based on some writing a while back now that I’ve redrafted a bit from the original.

Thinking about all the idiotic shit that happened, it’s absolutely nothing to me now. About as substantial as smoke in the wind. Originally it seemed like a thick mist wrapping itself around everything and suffocating the enjoyment out of anything that was previously life affirming.
Realising that the only way out is through perseverance, grinding and fighting against anything that tries to make you submit to being the persecuted. Also knowing there’s no point in wallowing in negativity, absolutely had to make an effort to improve the situation.

There’s always a trace of it all left behind though, but I’d rather deal with that than yours piled up around my neck as well. Analogies about piles of stinking fucking shite apply very well here but let’s not resort to base crudeness. To be honest, all the anger I had about everything was pointless because you didn’t deserve a single bit of it. Not that I shouldn’t’t have been angry for what happened because I had every right to be that way, just that continually wasting my efforts on you was like punching myself in the face over and over again.

Apparently everything had moved on but obviously not from the way things kept on repeating around in circles. Maybe all parties involved were deluding themselves to various degrees about everything but I know for a fact that I was trying to find some salvation elsewhere. An ocean between us all wouldn’t’t have been enough to make me feel like I’d put enough distance in. But I was well aware that going back around that circle of hate and screaming would do nothing good for me, I kept hearing how you were happier now but from what I saw you were still bitter about everything that went wrong. I was losing myself and my worries caused by all this by curing it with good company, good tunes and good times, maybe a little too much indulgence but a little hedonism never hurt too much. All that I saw in return was like watching someone never getting off the starting line in some aspects despite having run a mile as soon as the gun goes off. Even though I felt disgusted by it, I did feel genuinely sorry for some things that had happened and just craved a return to some sort of equilibrium for everyone. Even if all bonds were broken and all bridges burned by the process.

I didn’t need anyone anymore to make me feel like I was complete, I wasn’t like that anymore and I hoped to fucking christ that you had changed too but a lot of the time I very much doubted that being honest. The shadow of the past should not hold the future hostage; living for the here and now once again was like being reborn and casting away my ashes.

A new beginning born of fire.

Seemed like every time I got up from the floor I just got verbally and emotionally kicked back down again though, I wasn’t sure what the need for the aggression and hate was. I wasn’t aware I had done anything that bad. I’m definitely all too human and not an angelic figure of perfection but all I had attempted to be was a good man. To do the right thing for myself and people around me was what I attempted to do as much as possible. So now I was just having a good time feeling and enjoying life as an act of engaging in pleasure and self improvement whilst apparently other people were still static and grounded to previous misfortunes. Still wanting to drag other people down back with them. It reminded me of Sisyphus pushing his rock up the mountain, watching it roll down again and repeating the same act ad infinitum & Ad nauseam. Except unlike Camus’s interpretation of the condemned Greek monarch there was no acceptance of the absurdness of the situation which might possibly lead to a tragic and conscious realisation of it all. This in turn could lead to some form of progress or subjective meaning. Just someone mindlessly pushing their boulder without any thought, machine like. I wanted to see that cycle end.

Living in the present would benefit everyone involved.

I’d used up all the pain as fuel to keep myself going as fast as possible out of there. Trying to remain stronger than what was happening inside and outside. Even embraced all the anger and hate to try making sense at all and squeeze something positive out of it, can’t pretend things were ideal. That would be an outright lie. This didn’t mean however that I couldn’t and still to a much diminished extent, snap. Because everyone gets what’s due to them in time and there’s no escaping that. Even if you think you got away without a scratch.

One day some people will wake up and regret all the negativity and wasted energy spent on nothing but destructive and non constructive anger, I know I did. Because when you realise that you’re slowly running out of sand in your timer and that cloaked figure is waiting tapping his foot to a beat you can’t hear or feel. There’s nothing you can do to go back and change how things happen or live as a better person. So the sooner you change the better life you‘ll lead.

It’s always easier to keep trudging downwards than travel up to somewhere better but the further down you dig the deeper the hole you have to climb out of. So keep on pushing and the road drops away back behind you faster than you realise. All of you that should be left there is your footprints. Leave nothing there and there is nothing to drag you back down there to collect it again. (I fully admit taking several trips back down to that place before I left it for the last time.) Then time will gradually erode away the evidence of you having been there before.

Conclusion? Maybe.

At the end of all this, this ridiculous act in the drama of life. Because that’s all it was, reflecting on who changed in what ways and was it for the better? All I can think is that now I’m possibly off the stage and I’m the playwright scripting my own lines for myself. You’re still acting like the hero of your own tragedy but don’t seem to realise that the curtains are closed and the lights have dimmed, there’s no one there to be the audience now so all this theatre and acting?

Purely for yourself. Lose your sense of grandeur for fucks sake.

So I sat down with my demons and we grabbed some beers, and then had ten more. Indulged in every possible route of pleasure and distraction until the break of dawn and then some. Whilst you all kept on sleeping with yours and not ever working it out. At the end of the night in the light of a new day we all split our separate ways and I know I’m better off now, whether you are or not is a different question but that’s your prerogative not mine anymore.

So let’s live life to make it the best and fullest it can be and not live with the past on anyone’s shoulders anymore.
Spin things out as much as you want but I’m living for me now.


by Paul Gustave Doré (1832 - 1883)
Title: The Rime of the Ancient Mariner(H. Pisan, engraver)
Plate 11: The Death-Fires Danced at Night

There's ship somewhere, without any wind in it's sails.
Give it a chance to escape this doldrum,
Any longer and no one will get home alive or without grief.

The need to get out of that place, an almost fanatical & devout urge for change and liberty. Marred sometimes by apathy and a disheartening sense of hopelessness alike.
But all that can be done is wait.
Waiting and yearning for a breeze of hope to grip onto.

In the words of Coleridge.

"All in a hot and copper sky,
The bloody Sun, at noon,
Right up above the mast did stand,
No bigger than the Moon.

Day after day, day after day,
We stuck, nor breath nor motion;
As idle as a painted ship
Upon a painted ocean."