Ho-hum.

Let me behold the truth in beauty,

Embrace it's fleeting essence within.

A firey hearth needs fuel for leaping flames,

lest it shall dwindle.

Or worse yet, die.

Each moment of passion a world apart,

Weaving together our mortal, finite world.

And so we love, endlessly.






And now for something completely different.

Antibiotics SUCK!

Happy new year!

Happy New Year, wait no, a new decade! Epic i guess even though time is relative and all. Heh, anyways one thing first.

How the mighty fall? Hard.

Putting up a paper thin wall is really pointless now there's too much of a distance to see each other from in the first place. I guess it's making the gesture thats important rather than it's actual significance though, still the same old same old with you isn't it. Hah.

New years break is over now, back to work. Very bad, thinking of kicking back in the 'dam in a few months time for a holiday is something to look forward to and motivating me to keep hard at it. Offered full time there now though which is a relief.

Started reading "Perfume" again, so good.

Good night!

Vengeance and Liberty

A deposed tyrant dies to the sounds of his subjects cheering for his killer, now they can both rest in peace.

Fruits!

Employment, sell your body for income and have little time to really enjoy life anymore but as horrible and shallow as it is. I really could do with the cash right now after so much time without a job, snow is shit to labour in and the warehouse is freezing fucking cold. FUCK SNOW.

However, MERRY CHRISTMAS! Cannot wait for all the food and drink on my days off. Each hour worked is another fiver saved. Easter Amsterdamage trip for definite. >:D

This is it for now, something all "cool" and "deep" (haha) looking will go up soon when i find some time to polish off something worth it, not that people read this anyway so it's purely self indulgence to be honest.

Byeskis.

Well

You can make yourself who and what you are
but it doesn't mean I have to like what you've become.

Immolation

Someone rekindle this dying fire before embers fade to ash.

Build it up into a raging pyre once more,

Let all our past sins and failings char.

Those memories however, are what help make us who we are.

A funeral pyre?

No, only a funeral for our old selves.

A celebration of rebirth.

Smoke follows us 'til emancipating winds come a’ blowing,

Only a slight taste in the air is left, a haunting reminder.

Leave nothing un burnt.

I?

Absurd freedom.

Watch it roll all the way down again,

Better push it up now.

Bo.

Roots drink deep from the earth

& seeds grow into shoots.

Leaves soak up the sun,

Essences essential to living.

Entwined to natural patterns,

Simply being part of the cycle.

A beautiful act that is so normal

Yet completely magnificent.

Concrete and the axe destroy all this.

Leave life to be and partake in it,

One is all and all is one in this world.

Psilocybin visions open my eyes to this Bo

Natrual illumination reveals it.

Never have I closed then since.

Limerence? (partial)

(this is a very unfinished piece, I think it’ll never be really finished because my thoughts & feelings on this subject will change and develop over my entire life. So this is a snapshot of sorts, an insight into present said feelings. No italics or bold this time, let it emphasise itself )

That one little word.

Over used & rarely meant now,

But to be like a part of someone else

& likewise their heart bound to yours.

When two people bind together

In a union transcending just lust or attachment.

What a feeling it is!

Do not expect it on demand like so many do,

For it isn’t about instant gratification.

Instead allow it to be nurtured and inspired

By whomever makes life about passion once more.

That is the act of two souls as one.

There is so much there, biding it’s time,

Waiting to be given out & reciprocated when received unconditionally.

Such a powerful force yet so easy for it to falter.

Harder though, to find it sometimes in a cold world.

Clockmaker

Let him past your face

& spinning hands.

Show him how you tick away.

Then he’ll fix your workings,

With his mending hands.

You’re running just like clockwork.

Never turning his gaze on himself,

The artisan slaves for you.

Selfless in pursuit of improvement.

The cold metal gears not caring

For the passion behind the touch.

Only craving the attention they need.

Is this unfulfilling and torture for him?

Yet there is there a beauty to the absurdity of his effort,

Committed to making sure things run smoothly.

As long as you’re still running like clockwork at least…

Hm.

Covered in pumpkin bits/juice and there's fake gore all over my house from making a halloween costume. But I'd much rather have you all over my house instead really... haha.

La de daaah.

1. Know for definite now, just need to do something about it and stop procrastinating so fucking much. I wonder if it'll work out fine though? Hopefully so! Would be so good if it did.

2. Gin does silly things to me, even in small amounts. I start behaving very badly... bad Josh!

3. Got a free AAA pass for the final night of the Devildriver uk tour! so stoked for sunday now. Party hard & getting to watch several awesome bands from backstage? Hell yes! Thank you Tom/Fran!

4. Going to get my hair cut off next tuesday, given myself a week to get into the right mindset for it. Cannot wait for ridiculous surfer haircut haha. It'll be very funny.

5. Even though most of my friends have escaped off to university, the people that are left and the "new" people I'm starting to spend more time with are very awesome. Change is a catalyst for a new direction in life.

6. Speaking of a new direction, "cleaning up my act" a hell of a lot is really good and i'm feeling all the better for it.

7. Need to speak to Chris about sorting out the paperwork for being allowed to spar in Akido, also need to track down where that kickboxing place is run in amersham. Getting back into martial sports will do my mind and body a whole load of good. Speaking of sport, should probably go for my run in a minute, wake my body up and shit.

I could probably keep typing here for ages but it would just turn into a train of thought, let's save some "wordy" energy for writing a couple more pieces sometime methinks.

I bid you g'day!
Au revoir for now internet.

That special something

It’s crazy how music has that power to change how we feel and bring us back to how we felt when we were listening to certain songs or artists at various points in our lives. It’s almost beyond words in way.

What is it in a sound frequency that causes the cogs of memory and emotion to start moving? I wish I knew but for now I’m more than happy to just enjoy it and let my soul dance to the rhythms and melody travelling through me.

The good life

Don’t measure life purely by obsessing over empty and materialistic objects or something as abstract and meaningless as money.

Care first and fore mostly about the wealth of passion, feeling and love we can cultivate within our hearts.

The wisdom and knowledge that we gain from living and experiencing an authentic and true existence should be also appreciated and utilised as much as possible.

Use these concepts as guidelines to enriching your time and the world around you.

Equally you should reciprocate this back into the world as much as you can.

Expressing these things by communication through creativity and positive action is something beautiful.

Life is short, don’t waste it.

Embrace it.


“The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge”

Bertrand Russell

Some progress & other stuff

Hello internet, an actual blog for once!

1. A hell of a lot less angry and wound up now about certain things, it's still not exactly fantastic to put it mildly. But handling it all a lot better at least, which is certainly an improvement over going apeshit at the world 24/7.

&

2. Never, ever though I'd be doing this. Screw it, might as well! (But what am I really talking about here? Ha-ha!) Don't want to give away a lot even on here, but it's slightly surreal in some ways. Feels.... good though... yes, good! If this pans out for the best I'll be a very happy man. If not, then roll with the punches and something good will also come out of it. Well the situation will just keep as it is which is pretty enjoyable currently anyhow, definetly want to see where this can lead.

Also...

3. Couple of new bits and pieces of various things in the works writing and music wise that I’m sitting on 'til I’m happy with them. In other music news Sean quit the drum stool this week just past. Scott's going to try replacing him which should work out fine, can't think of many reasons why it wouldn't work. Change... hmmmmmm exciting!

4. The things you find out about people is crazy sometimes, life is definetly interesting. More or less sure about that something and other matters now, just a matter of breaking bad habits and taking the plunge.

*Right, now as not to ruin my current consistency regarding my entries on here. Time to get cracking on with some more stuff seeing as nothing's going on tonight and plans went askew today.*

urgh.

If it were a person doing this I’d beat them to a fucking pulp and leave them to suffer.

But no it’s a horrible disease eating them alive from the inside out.

Cancer is fucking disgusting and I don’t understand why it’s taking another good persons' life.

Removing them from mine and other people’s lives.

But it doesn’t need to make sense; it’s just a fucking disease that happens.

Hating this so much.

And you! You disgusting bastard trying to pull a horrific guilt trip like that, I’m shocked at what you’ve said to me.

Nothing like the wheel of life going around is there?

Ups and downs.

Pest

Get rid of the fucking worms in this apple!

From the inside they’ll eat all the goodness away,

Leaving nothing but an empty skin behind.

Gorging themselves until nauseous.


So when you bite into it,

Hoping for a refreshing mouthful of fruit,

All you’ll get is disappointment.

Or worse yet, a bite of the wriggling bastards.


What a bitter flavour that is,

A taste of thoughtless greed.

Later, new flies emerge to continue this legacy.

Dynastic contagion spreading its shit.


Swat it!

Before it can ruin another one for the love of fuck.

Detachment plus... a suprise?

Little bit of humour there, ha.ha.ha.

Oh I wish this one was about nekkhamma or wu nian.

Connecting with everything right now is so fucking hard but for some bizarre reason it's really affecting me simultaneously.

What the hell is happening?

Stiff upper lip though obviously, good sweet fuck.

How very British...

Also,

I'm not sure what it is for definite & I'm still trying to work it out, but it's definitely getting under my skin.

Its someone though.

Here's a turn up for the books... could it really be that?

Oh wow.

Circles & Traps

Walking along a path like this will get me nowhere,

Because I keep on returning to the beginning.

This realisation is a sign of falling back into the same rut.

Crawling on my knees out of that pit nearly broke me before.

Time to break out.

Just no.

Fuck you, when were you ever really around to be what you were supposed to be anyway.

Dropping out for a while. Bye.

EDIT.

Back in the loop now, hedonism serves as a distraction well enough but really need to sort this out at some point. Procrastination is starting to become a bit of an art form.


(a change of style from previous posts. hah.)